Came from the doctor today; as usual, the visit has given me some things to mull over.

My doctor is pushing me to get biologicals, meaning medicine that is supposed to go beyond the superficial level, side effects and such, and aggressively treat my lupus and rheumatoid athritis. We've been delaying the decision for months now and we were supposed to give our decision based on the second opinion we got from another doctor. We decided not to have the biologicals done. It's expensive and we're wary about the side effects. Instead, we proposed that my dose of steroids be upped as recommended by the other doctor. My rheumatologist wasn't happy about it, though she understood our reservations. Anyway, she explained everything again and even tossed in some advice on where to get support for the cost of the medicine. I guess I'm getting the biologicals. Somehow. 

If you had 10 million what would you do with it? For me, the answer was simple. I'll give 2.5 million each to my mother, my brother and Kuya Arnel. The remaining 2.5 is mine and 1 million is for my, what we fondly call, "senior citizen fund" (I am now a holder of a PWD [Person With Disability] card. Its benefits are like a Senior Citizen card, lol). Yeah, 1 million would nicely answer for my medical needs for a while. Sigh, such is the life of the one with disability and no medical insurance.

Money, money, money. Makes the world go 'round. As I was taking off my favorite stilettos (I also came from my brother's capping ceremony this morning. He is now officially a nurse, haha), I started thinking again. Where will I get the money to support my medical needs? All sorts of ideas come to mind:

• Get a high-paying job somehow or one with a wicked medical insurance plan (Doable...?).
• Go abroad, migrate, to a country that has awesome healthcare benefits (Canada! I recognize you!).
• Marry someone rich (HAHAHAHAHA).

Yeaaaaaah, the last idea pretty much made me pause and go "WHAT? WHATAREYOUTHINKING???" (Oh God. Get married to someone rich. I can't even think of getting married PERIOD without feeling kind of "UGH" over it! Good God...)

And it all just came back to me. Sanity. Clarity. Blessed words of wisdom from the priest in that mass this morning. Sorta.

A totally unbearable one, I imagine. One without meaning, without purpose. A life without honor. 

I know. Death is scary and I am scared of having to go through another hospital confinement. The last one was awful, a really traumatic experience. I need money to finance my medical needs, but it takes more than just medicine for me to live.

My life needs a purpose. I need a mission.

What am I living for?

It's definitely not the thought of keeping myself alive just so I won't die. 

I refuse for it to be.

So what is my mission in life? I'm not quite sure yet and I'm still scared about the uncertainty of the future, but I'm trying. 

Trying to find it. Trying to actually live.

Here's to hoping that I maintain the courage and this optimism.

Haven’t been updating because I was so busy preparing for work. So anyway, I have spent three days in the UK Embassy for work and I have to say it’s a new experience. Kind of jarring at times, but it’s not too unpleasant. And so here is my usual list on what makes working in the UK Embassy so different from what I’m used to:

It’s all the way in McKinley Hill. That’s the farthest place I’ve ever worked and I have to say that I like the surroundings a lot. It’s very exclusive, so the place looks clean and maintained. It’s also got an internal shuttle that you can use to get around for free. I hardly get to use it though, since the shuttle sometimes takes so long to get around to our place. In the past three days that I’ve been coming to work, I’ve only gotten to ride on it once.

I actually commute. Ignores the true meaning of “commute” Yeah. When I was still working for my old company, I rode the car to work with my Mom and that was it. I didn’t need to go through the hassle of commuting unless I had to come earlier or later to work. Now, I still get rides to work, but going home really requires me to take advantage of public transportation. It’s kind of tiring and annoying, because at the end of the day I just want to sit back and just rest, but I can’t, because I still have to commute… Ah well. It’s also nice to see that I still know how to commute, hahaha.

My cousin works in the same place. So, I’m used to working with family members, so it’s nice that I have my cousin, Jen, working in the same place I am. Plus it’s nice that I have someone to go to and from work with.

I have British co-workers (DUH). Obviously. XD It’s the British Embassy after all. Most of them are rather friendly and accommodating. Their accents sound so lovely and pleasant to my ears. John, the security manager, is special for me, because he’s kind of scary. XD; He looks like he can crush your head with his biceps, but he’s also pretty friendly. Just don’t cross him, I guess. And dude, first day in we meet the British Ambassador. How awesome is that? XD He’s a nice guy named Stephen. He doesn’t look like an ambassador, hahaha. Arthur hasn't shown up yet. I am disappoint.

It’s very strict. No using of cellphones inside the Visa Section where I work. No cameras. It’s all very secure and confidential. You can’t get around without your embassy pass, so you must have it with you at all times. Among other things. Yeah.

There is a dress code. Smart casual. No jeans or sneakers or t-shirts (though I’ve seen some people managing to get away with it). Just don’t look too casual. I’m kind of sad about this because I miss wearing my jeans. It also means I have to go shopping and start planning my clothes. UGH.

People are too busy to talk. The work. It is overflowing. In the three days I have been working there, I’ve hardly been able to spend time to just chat with my co-workers outside of lunchtime. It’s kind of sad, actually. I’m so used to being able to chat with my co-workers while doing my work, but you can’t because no one else is doing it.

And when they do talk, it’s in hushed tones. No loud, boisterous talking here, nope. Everyone speaks in a very civilized manner. It’s jarring to me to say the least. XD;

So yes, culture shock, obviously. But it’s kind of a good culture shock. It’s nice how I’m actually not that stressed about what I’m doing. My last job had a lot of pressure riding on me, so it’s a nice change to just be doing simpler things and not be part of management. We’ll see how it all goes as I start week 2 this coming week. For now, it’s the weekend and we’re off to Sofitel for an overnight stay in a bit.

Later~ ♥

'Guess who's going to be working for Arthur after all... XD; Yep! UK Embassy here I come! The notification email just came in earlier today and it made my Mom get so excited. She's even more excited about it than me, which is quite funny. XD; So yeah... I guess that's it. Haha. I start on June 1, but before that I have to have a briefing of sorts on May 19, which unfortunately I have to have moved, because I will just be coming back from Palawan then. Hopefully they're fine with that and if not, well... No Palawan trip for me. TT__TT I wish I could be allowed to go though. The trip was planned way before I even thought about applying for this job. Hopefully, hopefully.

And in celebration of this, I made BREAKFAST PASTA. I just tweaked it a little where I added ground oregano. So eggy and buttery. It was so gooood. Healthy diet, what is that? XD LOL

I'm off to get my NBI Clearance tomorrow over at Caloocan. Hopefully everything will be fine and dandy and there wouldn't be any hurdles to getting it done. Wish me luck~

I was in the zone just a while ago, typing out this entry on WordPad, when suddenly, "FUCK!!" The lights went out for a quick second and my computer died. >_> You can just imagine how pissed I was. I had already written out a paragraph of stuff and suddenly FIZZ. GONE. UGH. I so hate technology sometimes...

So anyway, since I don't feel like writing things all over again, I would just like to get everything down as well as I could. No attempts on regaining lost glory... Seriously.

Passed Essays.PH's final exam. I was able to submit my sample article about Jack the Ripper. You can find it here. Almost the next day I got the message that I passed and I could soon accept writing assignments. I wasn’t really nervous about the article. I thought it was pretty damn good, so I wasn’t surprised that I made it. However, after everything, I now find myself nervous about what’s to come. I’m intimidated about the thought of doing actual writing assignments. 24-hour turnover time? Can I do that? I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out when I take the plunge. I’ll do that on Monday or so…

Submitted my application to the Australian Embassy. A few weeks ago, we were forwarded an ad for a position within the UK Embassy by my Tita Criz, Tita Pen’s bestfriend. Well, that application didn’t go through as we submitted our application too late, so I thought that was the last of it. Imagine my surprise when a few days ago, I was forwarded another ad for another position, but this time with the Australian Embassy. And this time it was for a Team Leader position. I looked at their requirements and the job description and I thought it was pretty standard fare. I was a team leader a while back and held other middle-management positions when I was with my old company, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I just sent in my resume with references, cover letter, and a statement of claims a few hours ago. Hopefully I get considered for an interview then get the job. It would really help a lot, especially since the compensation was pretty good. I’ve been feeling really lucky in the job hunting front. Maybe God’s been watching over me. ^_~

Waited for Gawon work to pick up again. So it’s been announced by our supervisor that we’re poised to receive work from our Korean students starting May 10. Meanwhile, we were sent reviewers to study while we wait. I have yet to even download the attachments from that email. I just don’t feel like studying. Maybe tomorrow.

Visited Calaca for a wake and reconnected with the extended family. Early last week, we found out that one of my uncles died, so we planned to go to Calaca to attend the wake. We went there last Thursday and we, along with Noel’s girlfriend, Yla, who came along, met up with the family. We got to see Lola Pasing again. She’s a cheerful and lively old woman. You can tell by the sparkle in her eyes when she looks at you that she loves you very much. If you’re not convinced, she would tell you so. My brother and I are very fond of her, because we have good memories of her, though she wasn’t our direct grandmother. Noel loved her especially, because she declared him her handsomest grandson. XD; We also met up with our aunts and uncles who lived around the compound with Lola Pasing. It was the first time that I really took the effort to know who is who, because they actually sat down and talked with me. Plus I also found out how worried they had been when they found out about my hospitalization about a year or so ago. One of my aunts there was also the one who found the manggagamot who helped in curing me. Now I feel an overwhelming affection for all of them. I was so touched by how much they cared.

Read lots of books. Ever since I got my Kindle, I have had lots of opportunities to read since I just downloaded the books and uploaded them to it. I was able to finish the two latest books in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, Lover Mine and Lover Unleashed. They were okay, I guess, though I have to say the best parts of the two books were the side stories of Quinn and Blaylock. How is JR Ward ever going to reconcile their stories? JUST HOW?? I am so curious! Meanwhile, I also finished Beastly, which is a teen rendition of the classic Beauty and the Beast. I was curious about it because there’s a movie of it coming out. It was okay. I liked it better when the Beast wasn’t so in love with the beauty yet. It was all right. Not a bad movie to read when you’re not doing anything. I’ve started reading A Constant Princess, but I am holding off on finishing it. I don’t know. It’s just not gripping me anymore though I found it interesting at first. It’s fascinating to read about Katherine of England and her Spanish origins and what she had to do to become a real queen of England. The latter parts are kind of boring though… To divert myself, I switched to Perks of a Wallflower and that was great. Maybe I’ll write about why I like it so much later. I sped through reading it, because I really enjoyed it. I’ve since moved on to On the Road by Jack Kerouac since it was mentioned in Perks of a Wallflower. I don’t really know what to think about it yet so far. It’s pretty straightforward, I guess? We’ll see later.

Enjoyed a wine, cheese, and chocolate buffet over at Sofitel. To celebrate Mother’s Day, Mama, Noel, and I went to Sofitel last night and enjoyed dinner there. We were just supposed to get our usual orders over at Le Bar but then we saw the wine, cheese, and chocolate buffet. It was glorious. My favorite part of it was definitely the cheese fondue. Unfortunately, it kept getting hard, so they had to bring it back to the kitchen every few minutes or so to melt it down again. But still, I got a lot of fondue on my pieces of bread. Noel didn’t want to get in on the buffet so he had his own order, though he still asked us to filch him some sausages and chocolate éclairs from the buffet. XD; Thank goodness the hotel staff turned a blind eye. Maybe they thought it was okay since we ordered two dishes for Noel anyway. There was also some music, but I didn’t particularly like the way the singer sang. As I sat there, stuffed with cheese fondue and bread, I realized that I was pretty happy at the moment. Ah, the joy food gives. It is amazing.

Contemplated mixed tapes. Mixed tapes were also mentioned in Perks of a Wallflower and I just remembered how I used to make those before. I’d turn on the radio and wait for my favorite songs to play, then I would record them on a cassette tape. Things got easier when CD burning became popular. I burned CDs for Sena-san and Sae-Sae. Now, I don’t know if people do mixed tapes or CDs anymore. You can just compile the songs in music formats that you prefer, upload them somewhere and have people download them if they want. You can even make fancy cover art in your computer oh so easily. I don’t really miss the hardship of mixing tapes manually, but I have to say that I miss it a little. It brings back memories of simpler times and simpler songs. Now I feel like making a playlist of something…

Or maybe that's just my inherent laziness crying out to be left alone. Who knows.

So I just sent my application to Essays.PH. Apparently that's just phase one of the application process. Next, I need to write a 500-word article on unsolved mysteries. My whole being screamed at me to get away and procrastinate. So I did. XD; I don't know if I'm cut out for this, hahaha. I've sort of always known that I will probably only be able to write for myself. I don't think I have it in me to write for other people with a given deadline. But what can you do? Money must be earned and while I don't have a full-time job, I need to earn me some money somehow. Let's just give it a try. There's no deadline for the sample article at least. I have time to research and fine-tune my essay. Wish me luck.

I certainly took my time in writing my application for Essays.PH. They really require you to write essays about yourself. Some people expressed interest in what my application looked like, so you can find that here.

And that is all for today. I'm off for some procrastination of the roleplaying kind.

Good morning. 

It's another typical Sunday morning. Last night was pretty much a sleepless night. I don't know why that happens. ^^; Saturday nights just seem to inspire insomnia in me. Go figure.

Anyway, nothing new to report. However, I applied for a job in the UK embassy here in Manila last week. It was crazy. I only got to send in my resume and cover letter about ten minutes before the deadline, because I only found out about the job description and contact details of the HR department an hour before. Crazy. I had to review my resume, fix it up a bit and compose a fitting cover letter in under an hour.

Did I ever say on here that I hate writing cover letters? No? Well, now you know. They are one of the most annoying things that are required in job hunting.

I still haven't heard from the UK embassy and the job is supposed to start this coming Tuesday. I guess my application wasn't considered? I had thought that I was overqualified for the position, but then I thought, "Why not give it a try anyway?" The salary is too good to pass up. Looks like the job is a no-go. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Aww, I'm not gonna be working for Arthur. :(

This morning as I was not sleeping, I made a Formspring account. Go on, ask me anything. I'd love to answer stuff.

Nowadays, I've been spending a lot of time over at hetagaea , because I'm RPing with a pretty AWESOME Prussia with my Spain (si_espana ) and this conversation probably entertained me more than it should. Oh Prussia. XD Married to Spain? You wouldn't be able to handle it, hahaha. Though seriously, it would be cute. XD; 

And I'm back.

Yes, it certainly took me a while. I don't really know what happened. I just... Lost the will to write. So many things had happened, so many things had changed. I guess my mind was working too fast for me to write anything and maybe I just didn't have the time too. Or I did, but I chose to focus on doing something else.

But anyway. Yes, I am back to the world of blogging. As you can see, new look, new name. I thought it was time for a change. I really think I've changed since the last time I posted an entry here. The changes aren't that huge, but there definitely are changes. Anyway. Time for an update on stuff:

Health. I guess the biggest change is that my health problems have now been properly diagnosed. Apparently, I have Lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune chronic disease that weakens your immune system and makes you more easily infected by all sorts of illnesses. At the same time, I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which sometimes causes pain in my joints, mostly on my wrists and my feet. I'm currently under medication for both and we're working on getting me a new kind of medication that would help arrest the symptoms of both. It costs a bit of money though, so we're still working on it. I'm okay now, mostly. I haven't been sick in a while and if I do get sick, it's not as bad as it used to be. I sometimes have joint pains, usually when I don't get enough sleep or I get super tired. I've had physical therapy done and I get massages three times a week or so, so my joints are okay. I can walk without any problems. There was a time when walking was so hard to do. I limped and it hurt. Thankfully that's been taken care of. I've also been exercising more. Just simple stretches and walking. I try to do it everyday for 30 minutes, but of course there are days when I get lazy and I don't. The exercise also has been helping with my sleeping problems. I'm still a light sleeper, but at least I'm not that much of an insomniac anymore. So, yeah. In general, health-wise, I'm doing okay. Definitely better.Kindle. Yep~ My Tito gave me his Kindle. XD And I've been having so much fun filling it with books. I've got more than a hundred books in it now. You know, the usual stuff, like Harry Potter, romance, YA, (I loved Beastly), and fiction novels (books by Nick Hornby, Catherine Jinks, Philippa Gregory, etc). It also has more highbrow stuff, like classic novels (The Picture of Dorian Gray,  The Count of Monte Cristo, etc) and English translations of Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. Hopefully I can read all of them eventually. XD; What other books are great to read? Actual books are still much more fun to read and carry around, but I also love my Kindle for its convenience.

Hey gakuenaph_dr~ This is all your fault! XD LOL

Title: Stop the Reruns!
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Francis, Antonio, Arthur (FrancisxAntonio? FrancisxArthur? XD), and GilbertxElizaveta
Summary: Francis, Antonio, and Arthur watch the Gilbert and Elizaveta Show. Again. gakuenaph_dr AU.

( Why yes, Gilbert and Elizaveta were considered a couple. They're flirting right now, mon dieu! )

I'll probably post this to prussiaxhungary after I finish fixing this up. XD; LOL

I still can't believe I wrote with France. XD; Critique please?

EDIT: Has been posted to prussiaxhungary and hetalia ^_^;; Ahahaha...

YES! BLACK BEAUTY IS FIXED! WOOH!

Okay, other updates. Been practically killing myself at work. x_x;; New account = new duties. They're going to be making me head QA and the account is very big on doing things in verbatim. So crazy focus on detail. UGH. And just before my birthday and Christmas too! I've been doing a weird training schedule for a few days now. Training starts at 3pm and ends at midnight. x_x;; So not good for me. I hope I won't have to come in at that time normally once the account really kicks off. I hardly get to see my family. It's weird.

gakuenaph_dr is addictive. XD; I've got four characters over there, namely Gilbo, Antonio (Spain), Andromeda (OC!Ancient Greece), and Loraine (OC!Mutti of Ludwig and Gilbo and ex-wife of Ger-Ger [Germania]). Loraine is currently at the forefront of my mind because she's so much fun to RP with Ger-Ger. XD; It can get kind of emotional though as Ger-Ger is a grouchy, offensive bear and it looks like Loraine still has feelings for him and is doing her best to hide it. o.o; Aside from that though, it's awesome. XD Loraine manning her bar, The Black Lily, mothering Ludwig and Gilbo, planning on setting up Gilbo with Elizaveta, being friends with Andromeda (still just in my head-canon though...), and... looks like he's going to get a bit of a crush on Antonio. XD; Just because. LOL Loraine doesn't sexually molest your students, Ger-Ger. She just crushes on the hot ones. Because she can. LOL I really should write down all these things I've unearthed about Loraine later. They're so entertaining. XD;

Anyway, that's all for now. Christmas planning etc. to come sometime later. I can't remember Christmas time being this stressful last year. =_= Durr.